Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you."
The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven ... which part of your body goes first?" Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?
Có một người nhà quê lên thành phố, vào cửa hàng tạp hóa, muốn mua giấy vệ sinh mà không biết nói sao. Ông ta diển tả một hồi, chủ tiệm bèn đưa cho ông ta một bàn chải chà cầu đem về. Hôm sau, ông ta đến xin đổi lại cái khác. Chủ tiệm hỏi: Cái này xài không được hả?
An American was touring Spain. After a day of sightseeing, he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senior, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's balls from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this: What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
The Little Johnny was 8 years old when his parents decided to have him circumcised (looking different than dad, other kids, etc). After a few days of recovery, the boy went back to school. After about an hour, the pain was really starting to bother him so he asked if he could see the school nurse. He went to see her, but was too embarrassed to tell her what the problem was.
Two young guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat Italian bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies." So, on the way home, the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help
I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful blondie behind the counter,and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No." So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused.
Con : Bố à ! "hoa tay" là gì hở bố ? Bố : Những người khéo tay thì thường được thể hiện qua các đường vân trên đầu ngón tay hình tròn như đoá hoa nên gọi là "hoa tay" !.. Con : thế còn "hoa chân" là gì ?... Bố : ạ !... đây là cách nói khéo về những người có ghẽ ở chân đó con à!...
The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well. Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
* Tại sao em lại đánh anh? Vì mẫu giấy có ghi cái tên Hồng Nga ở trong túi quần anh. - Cô vợ gằn giọng. Anh chồng thở phào: Ồ, tưởng gì... Hai tuần trước, anh đi xem đua ngựa và Hồng Nga là tên con ngựa mà anh đặt cược.
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. I've come to...."